Thoughts on CONFIDENCE

v  CONFIDENCE is constancy of thinking about what is possible & how to make it possible

v  CONFIDENCE is a special kind of thinking that is fuelled by unflinching determination

v  CONFIDENCE is making the mind see now what the eyes are going to see soon

v  CONFIDENCE is sensing the possibility before making it a reality

v  CONFIDENCE means facing facts boldly with a strong mind

v  CONFIDENCE is your perception of your potential

v  CONFIDENCE is seeing the possibility as  reality

v  CONFIDENCE is a resolute state of mind

v  CONFIDENCE means being  pushy

v  CONFIDENCE is knowing & going

v  We tend to view CONFIDENCE as a product of accomplishment rather than a part of process that leads there

v  Supremely CONFIDENT people were confident before they achieve anything

v  There are two types of CONFIDENCE –
-Conviction based CONFIDENCE which is primarily by  faith backed by a strong will;
-Competence based CONFIDENCE which comes as an effect of certain demonstratable abilities;

v  To develop CONFIDENCE simply state within –
“ I greet everyday with a firm commitment to raising my CONFIDENCE; I do whatever that is required to become more CONFIDENT”







I do my thing and you do your thing
I am not in this world to live up to your expectation
And you are not in this world to live up to mine
You are you and I am I
And if by chance we find each other it’s beautiful
If not it can’t be helped

Sri Adi Shankara’s quotes

“kim jeevitham? ( What is high living?)
“Anavathyam” ( blemishless life)
‘kim  jaatyam? ( what is foolishness?)
” paata thoyyanappasa” ( not taking effort & training for one’s development)

( from Prashnotra Ratna maalika by Sri Adi Sankaracharya)


Thoughts on COMMITMENT
(as shared from random readings, hence source not known)

  • Commitment is giving all that you have to get all that you want
  • A true commitment is the focusing of energy toward a purpose or cause
  • Commitment is doing rather than saying
  • Commitment is persevering & continuing to pursue your vision in spite of distraction hardship criticism & risk
  • Commitment is not a vague promise to yourself that you will do something
  • Commitment is doing something because you believe it is right for you to do it
  • Commitment like confidence is a special kind of thinking, a single minded sense & purpose that is fuelled by the energy of personal vision
  • Commitment is something you live & love
  • Everything you do is a reflection of your commitment
  • No one can help you overcome a lack of commitment to your own life
  • If you don’t have it no one can provide for you
  • Honoring commitment is honoring oneself

For Self Efficacy – Gita says

தன்னைத் தானே உயர்த்திட வேண்டும்
தன்னைத் தாழ்த்தல் தவிர்த்திட வேண்டும்
தனக்கு நண்பனும் பகைவனும் தானே
/கீதை அத்6 சுலோ 5/
one should cause for one’s emancipation & growth;
one should refrain from self deprecation;
one is one’s own friend & one’s own enemy
/BG ch6 sloka 5/

தன்னைத் தானே வென்றான் இடத்தே
தானே தனக்கு நண்பனும் ஆவான்
தன்னைத் தானே வெல்லான் தனக்குத்
தானே எதிராய்ப் பகைவனும் ஆவனே
/கீதை அத்6 சுலோ6/
One who is congruent becomes one’s own friend
One who is not congruent is one’s own enemy
/BG ch6 sloka6/

The need for action – செயலின் தேவை

உலகில் செயலில் வெற்றி விழைவார்
தேவதை தமையே தொழுதே வழுத்துவர்
மனிதர் நிறைந்த உலகில் வெற்றியும்
செயலில் இருந்தே விரைவில் விளையும்
/ பகவத் கீதை அத்4 சுலோ 12/
Desiring fulfillement of actions,
many here sacrifice to gods.
In the human world,
accomplishment comes quickly
as a result of action.
/BG ch.4 sloka 12/

Srimadh Bagavath Gita emphasises the need for taking action than merely praying for success. Action cures, action alone cures in the manifested human world. Mere wishing & praying may not bear fruit as action can.



In this high-tech fast paced world where everything is available at your call, at your door step, where knowledge of every kind is open to understanding and scrutiny at our will & poise, where relationship at every level, be it family, society or profession, have assumed a new dimension, in that the old practice of implicit obedience to age or authority or hierarchy is replaced by independent approach to issues airing one’s preference and choice and opinion it becomes hard bite to get your way these days simply by age old traditional model of command & control.

We are forced to communicate; we are forced to express our stand; we are forced to explain our logic or sentiment behind our decisions & thought process. People are not ready to take things on the face of it. We need to convince people to make them understand in the first place; next we need to get their acceptance.

So power or authority no more wields command like in the past. We need a new mind-set, new way to approach life and that new way is our ‘POWER TO INFLUENCE’

We must really influence people around by the way we conduct, by the way we communicate, and by the way we connect with people.

In order to develop the power to influence a simple ground rule for effective interpersonal relationship is winning the confidence of people with whom we interact


To win the confidence –
1) our intention & attention are two factors that make us irresistible to people around us

2) For BEST relationship
Begin the interaction
Establish warmth
Satisfy needs
Thank profusely

If the above strategy is adopted one is sure to create a platform for influencing people.

With the power to influence one enlist cooperation and commitment from people willfully joyously; one may expect a voluntary participation for a common cause; interaction becomes smoother.

Life becomes easier.

Influence, refrain from control.


NLP Case Study 3



Siva has come to be the departmental head in the organization. He comes from another organization which has a different work culture, a rigid & authoritarian set-up where sub ordinates are expected to be very formal in interaction with higher –ups, do not use name in addressing the boss, do not confront openly. He is used to seeing only submissive team members; whereas in the new organization he has joined he is in for cultural shock; team members address him by name; seem to be more informal in approach and interaction. Though he finds the team members to be efficient at work, he is not able to control them or influence them. He has started feeling he is not in control of his department and may lose out if it continues. He is not able to express this out too. Yet Siva wants to be in control



Siva is uncomfortable in his new role is a fact; whereas the evidence for his conclusion is not appropriate. He is not able to adapt to the new work culture because he is not able to understand his team members; the open & direct interaction approach of his team members appear to him as disrespect to his authority.

Now what is important in the situation is Siva becoming comfortable in interacting and understanding his team members.

How can we help Siva with NLP intervention?


RAPPORT gives comfort in inter personal relationship

Rapport is the good feeling one gets when in the company of somebody one likes or like one.

There is a saying “LIKE likes LIKE”

Rapport is the intelligent approach to influencing. Putting your own agenda on hold is a prerequisite for rapport. Listening and being curious are critical to the learning process and they are fundamental component of building rapport.

Rapport is a bonding at unconscious level.

One of the important traits of a team leader is to understand his team members & accept their uniqueness. If the leader can appreciate & recognize their individuality he also gains acceptance.

How to build RAPPORT?



VERBAL RAPPORT: – In order to gain rapport with an individual , one can restate the individual’s style of expression, in terms of peculiar phrases, passwords, slang, in conversation and also mirror his/her tempo & style in communication. This will make the respondent more responsive & comfortable

NON VERBAL RAPPORT: – In the interaction face to face if one mirrors and matches the posture & gesture of the other person, rapport is gradually gained.

This process of mirroring and matching the other person’s style is called PACING and if one can comfortably pace, then consequently one will be able to lead the other person effortlessly.


Now coming to the case study, Siva now must step down from his ‘one above’ stand to ‘one among the team in lead role’

For this Siva must freely & informally engage in small talk with his members understand their interest, preferences, values; find those that match with his and state them

Also mirror & match their language & physiology.

This will remove the barrier developed unconsciously and bring in comfort in the interaction. The members are efficient; only the bonding between SIVA & members must be strengthened. This Rapport building techniques will do that.



Rapport is the foundation for any meaningful interaction between two or more people- whether it relates to sales, negotiation, providing information, direction to a co-worker, a conversation with family members, during training or coaching.

Rapport is about establishing an environment of trust, understanding, respect, and safety, which gives all people the freedom to fully express their ideas and concerns and know that these will be respected by the other person.

Rapport does not mean one person must agree with what the other person says or does. Instead each person appreciates the other’s view & respects their model of the world.

When you are in rapport with another person, you have the opportunity to enter their world & see from their perspective; appreciate why they feel the way they do, and arrive at a better understanding of who they are; as a result the whole relationship is enhanced.

RAPPORT is the port to anchor relationship