fear motivation

? Pain seems to motivate better

? Pain seems to motivate better

Why the fear of pain motivates people better than seeking of fulfillment?

Why fear has more power than fascination?

Human biological system is programmed towards ‘safety’;
anything that seems to endanger safety man quickly reacts.
Hence FEAR OF PAIN means losing something; fear of losing what one values significantly.
Man does not want to lose;
so he gets stressed to take action..
Such ‘motivation’ is based on distress has its side effects like English medicine.

If one is habituated to taking action only after an external stimulus, then for anything & everything only when there is a push man will take action; this is more reactionary; ordinary people do this way.  So long as we remain this way we become a prisoner of circumstance.

In this state of mind it task completion that becomes a primary concern than the quality of the task.

Yet fear of pain is more powerful because it is physical.

Seeking fulfillment is more an intellectual calculation than an experience evidenced by senses;
so it does not stimulate so much.

Senses play a vital role in influencing the state of mind;

When knowledge is sensory based it catches our mind and attention easily.

How to make fulfillment more motivating than the negative fear?


How will that experience be when you get what you want?
Imagine and construct the result. Envision the end result.

When you succeed in completing the task & get the desired result-
What will you SEE then?
What will you HEAR then?
How will you FEEL then?

Construct the result and see it as if it is happening right now. Simulate inside your head.

Timothy Galway through his book  “INNER GAME of TENNIS” advocates mental rehearsal; according to him mental rehearsal has a very great positive impact on performance than the actual rehearsal.

The author Bruce Lipton says in his book Biology of Belief, ‘ your beliefs act like filters on a camera, changing how you see the world and you biology adapts to those belief”

Hence our brain cannot differentiate between imagined situation & real situation.

Once your experience is sensory based as seeing hearing feeling it becomes certain for you that you are sure to get the result you want.  Now because ‘sense of certainty’ sets in you embark on action as a matter of fact than a deliberate effort.

This proactive attitude gives enough space for you to be creative appropriate and effective.



பழமொழி மூலம் என்.எல்.பி

“முள்ளை முள்ளால் எடுக்கலாம்; சேற்றை சேற்றால் போக்க முடியுமா?”

முள்ளை முள்ளால் எடுப்பது போல் சேற்றை சேற்றால் எடுக்க முயற்சி செய்தால் மேலும் சேறு பூசப் பெற்று அழுக்காகத்தான் ஆகும்.
முள்ளின் தன்மை வேறு; சேற்றின் தன்மை வேறு என்பதை புரிந்து கொண்டவர்கள் இந்தத் தவறை செய்ய மாட்டார்கள்

ஒவ்வொன்றின் தன்மைக்கு ஏற்றவாறு வழிமுறையை தேர்வு செய்ய வேண்டும். இல்லையேல் சிக்கல்தான் அதிகரிக்கும்.

என்.எல்..பி என்ன சொல்கிறது ?
நாம் ஒவ்வொருவரும் தனித்துவம் வாய்ந்தவர்கள்.
Everyone is unique; this uniqueness must be cherished
ஒருவர் போல் மற்றவர் அப்படியே கிடையாது. அதனால் ஒருவருக்குப் பொருந்தும் ஒரு விஷயம் மற்றவருக்கு அப்படியே பொருந்தும் என சொல்ல முடியாது.
எந்த ஒரு தனிபரின் எண்ணம் நோக்கம் உள்வாங்கும் பாங்கு, அவர் சார்ந்துள்ள சூழல் ஆகியவற்றை கணக்கில் எடுத்துக் கொள்ள வேண்டும். அப்போதுதான் அவருக்குப் பொருத்தமாக உதவி செய்ய முடியும்.

என்.எல்.பி உத்திகளை கையாளும்போதும் மாத்திரைகளை பரிந்துரை செய்வது போல ‘இதுக்கு இது அதுக்கு அது’ என்று பொத்தாம்பொதுவாக கையாளாமல் ஆலோசனை கேட்கும் நபரின் தனித்தன்மையை அவரது சூழ்னிலையை புரிந்து கொண்டு அதற்கு தகுந்தபடி உதவி செய்தல் வேண்டும்.



NLP -Instant Pattern break

NLP -Thought Pattern -Instant Break

I have heard people complain that their mind is trespassed by unwanted thoughts and they feel upset about. They say they are helplessly imprisoned by thought patterns..
Some feel upset or anguished at times and see no way of getting out of it at that time.

You must have heard people say or you could have experienced this situation, like, an important client meeting ; you are well prepared yet at that time a mild or perceptible  anxiety or fear passing through you and also you wish you get out of it somehow.

·         Lub-dub before an audience
·         Flutter when entering boss cabin
·         Anxiety over delay of expectation
·         Upset feeling hearing a disappointment
·         Teasing memory of an unpleasant event
·         Compulsive seeking of  unwanted
·         Any kind of inappropriate thinking you want to get out

Will power does not come to rescue at times crisis.

It is our habitual response pattern that holds us sway at those critical moments..

Unconscious patterns are often deep rooted and easily influence behavior; they have a power over reasoning or rational choice.

The usual methods of contemplation & correction do not come handy at times of crisis need of alternate emotion or state of mind.

Is there a way out to quickly gain the required state of mind?
NLP, the Psychology of personal change & excellence offers an effective tool to gain the state of mind you want;
you can easily push out the unwanted thinking and protect yourself from getting teased time & again

It is a very powerful tool to instantly break the unwanted thought pattern and establish the needed frame of mind or mind set.

It is instant just in 20 seconds you can shift your mood

It is also very handy to do.

You don’t require any special place or pose or position to do this.

All you need is your palms and the use of your palms.

Here is the 4 Step pattern

Suppose you are slightly anxious and you want to be calm, here is how you do

Step 1: (seeing your palms say within) I SEE my palms

Step 2: (Rubbing your palms swiftly) I HEAR my palms rubbing

Step 3: (Feeling the heat generated) I FEEL the heat in my palms

Step 4:  (4th step you put forth what you want) I am now CALM & RELAXED

You will be amazed to find that you get the needed state of mind instantly.

These 4 steps must be done in the order mentioned here for benefit.

How long should one do?
As long as one wants it;
as often as needed;

4th statement is the needed state; you must specifically mention what you need.( not what you don’t need)

Keep doing this whenever you need to break current thinking pattern.

This tool is handy & very effective.

Best Wishes !


Earl Nightingale Thoughts

Earl Nightingale thoughts


  • You become what you think about
  • Success is the progressive realization of a worthy ideal
  • Your world is a living expression of how you are using and have used your mind
  • A person needs to chip away everything that does not look like the person he or she most wants to become
  • For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction as Sir Issac Newton taught us in physics and the same rule operates unfailingly in our lives
  • Life doesn’t care whether we are rich or poor, sick or well, strong or weak. It is impartial and rigidly fair.
  • We have, we will always have, exactly what we earn: no more, no less
  • Our attitude towards life determines life’s attitude towards us.

Earl NightingaleEarl Nightingale (March 12, 1921 – March 28, 1989) was an American Motivational Speaker  and author, known as the “Dean of Personal Development.


NLP Case Study 3



Siva has come to be the departmental head in the organization. He comes from another organization which has a different work culture, a rigid & authoritarian set-up where sub ordinates are expected to be very formal in interaction with higher –ups, do not use name in addressing the boss, do not confront openly. He is used to seeing only submissive team members; whereas in the new organization he has joined he is in for cultural shock; team members address him by name; seem to be more informal in approach and interaction. Though he finds the team members to be efficient at work, he is not able to control them or influence them. He has started feeling he is not in control of his department and may lose out if it continues. He is not able to express this out too. Yet Siva wants to be in control



Siva is uncomfortable in his new role is a fact; whereas the evidence for his conclusion is not appropriate. He is not able to adapt to the new work culture because he is not able to understand his team members; the open & direct interaction approach of his team members appear to him as disrespect to his authority.

Now what is important in the situation is Siva becoming comfortable in interacting and understanding his team members.

How can we help Siva with NLP intervention?


RAPPORT gives comfort in inter personal relationship

Rapport is the good feeling one gets when in the company of somebody one likes or like one.

There is a saying “LIKE likes LIKE”

Rapport is the intelligent approach to influencing. Putting your own agenda on hold is a prerequisite for rapport. Listening and being curious are critical to the learning process and they are fundamental component of building rapport.

Rapport is a bonding at unconscious level.

One of the important traits of a team leader is to understand his team members & accept their uniqueness. If the leader can appreciate & recognize their individuality he also gains acceptance.

How to build RAPPORT?



VERBAL RAPPORT: – In order to gain rapport with an individual , one can restate the individual’s style of expression, in terms of peculiar phrases, passwords, slang, in conversation and also mirror his/her tempo & style in communication. This will make the respondent more responsive & comfortable

NON VERBAL RAPPORT: – In the interaction face to face if one mirrors and matches the posture & gesture of the other person, rapport is gradually gained.

This process of mirroring and matching the other person’s style is called PACING and if one can comfortably pace, then consequently one will be able to lead the other person effortlessly.


Now coming to the case study, Siva now must step down from his ‘one above’ stand to ‘one among the team in lead role’

For this Siva must freely & informally engage in small talk with his members understand their interest, preferences, values; find those that match with his and state them

Also mirror & match their language & physiology.

This will remove the barrier developed unconsciously and bring in comfort in the interaction. The members are efficient; only the bonding between SIVA & members must be strengthened. This Rapport building techniques will do that.



Rapport is the foundation for any meaningful interaction between two or more people- whether it relates to sales, negotiation, providing information, direction to a co-worker, a conversation with family members, during training or coaching.

Rapport is about establishing an environment of trust, understanding, respect, and safety, which gives all people the freedom to fully express their ideas and concerns and know that these will be respected by the other person.

Rapport does not mean one person must agree with what the other person says or does. Instead each person appreciates the other’s view & respects their model of the world.

When you are in rapport with another person, you have the opportunity to enter their world & see from their perspective; appreciate why they feel the way they do, and arrive at a better understanding of who they are; as a result the whole relationship is enhanced.

RAPPORT is the port to anchor relationship





With the business climate changing & moved towards globalization, like many organization XYZ company too has changed its culture and style. Employees no more could ride on the comfort of just loyalty & seniority. Productivity & adaptability decided sustainability.
In this situation Ragu , a long time employee has started feeling left behind & insecure. He believes he cannot work with computers, SAP, 5S & so on ; He starts feeling humane touch is now lost; Ragu has started believing company has become task oriented & no more people oriented, and so he may be shown the door anytime.

With this fear he approaches his boss seeking assistance & understanding, help.


Ragu has lost confidence in his ability to cope up with the changing scenario. He has poor self image. If he is allowed to continue with this frame of mind he will certainly attract what he doesn’t want to happen.

Ragu must be helped to restore confidence in him & also repose faith in the organization.


One of the fundamental beliefs of NLP is ‘People already have all the resources they need’

THINKING according to NLP: – NLP has minutely studied people when they were thinking.

According to NLP, this is also a fact, when people think they form pictures, words/sounds, feelings inside their head about the subject of thinking.

Thus there is VISUAL thinking, AUDITORY thinking, and KINESTHETIC thinking.

Five senses seeing, hearing, feeling, smelling, tasting are the modes by which a man senses the world and sends it to brain where he makes sense of the sensory impulses.

In the process of giving meaning to this sensory experience he makes his perception and that perception becomes his reality.

For practical purpose NLP takes smelling & tasting as feeling; so man has three modes of experiencing world – VISUAL, AUDITORY, KINESTHETIC.

For each of these modes there are sub- modes embedded within.

Visual Sub Modalities: – size of the picture, color of the picture, brightness, still/moving, 2D/3D, distance of the picture from self.

Auditory Sub modalities: – volume, tone, intermittent/ continuous, location, distance from self

Kinesthetic sub modalities: – temperature, pressure, location, texture, intensity, distribution

These SUB MODALITIES are the building blocks of an experience. In other words sub modalities are the ingredients of an experience; structure of an experience. Sub modalities are the internal representation of an experience.

What is the difference between how we produce the state of depression or the state of joy? The main difference is in the way we structure our internal experience.

If an experience is joyous NLP does not simply see the content (what has given joy, say ice cream) but at the internal representation (of ice cream).

Likewise for sorrow, bitterness, disappointment etc.

If one wants to change one’s bitterness of an event, NLP asks the subject first to take an inventory of sub-modalities & then by altering the sub-modalities of visual auditory, kinesthetic one can gradually reduce the degree of bitterness and finally move to a better situation.

Coming to the case study:-

Now to help Ragu develop faith in his ability to learn & adapt to the changing scenario, Ragu must be made to believe he is capable of learning, he is capable coping.

Ragu must be asked to recall a situation from his past when he learnt something new & he was thrilled by it; perhaps something he attempted on his own and gained confidence.

Now Ragu must be asked to relive that past  situation now inside his head; see hear feel all those  he experienced then; He must also notice the emotional state as he does this process of figuring out the structure of that experience.

Having noted the entire sub – modalities, Ragu must now gradually substitute these sub modalities for the work situation and check for the emotional response.

Surprisingly Ragu will find that he is capable of changing learning coping with the current scenario; His self image will get brightened.


SUB MODALITY is a unique finding of NLP; anything & everything of subjective experience can easily be changed.

To change a repulsive experience to an acceptable experience, inside your head, simply push the distance of the picture, dim it further, make it still, reduce the volume of sound, make the sound intermittent, and reduce the density & intensity of feeling; that’s all. It is amazing that the quality of experience changes.

By altering the structure of experience quality of experience can be changed.

One can always feel  in control in any situation by gaining familiarity and proficiency in identifying and altering sub modalities appropriately.

It is not what happens in life that matters. What we do with what happens in life that matters.




The issue

Ramesh is a very sincere executive of the organization. He was recently transferred to a different location with better benefits. Ramesh too initially thought it to be good.

But of late Ramesh started feeling lonely & left out. He often regretted over the change and cursed himself why he accepted it. He often felt he must get back to his earlier location; the reason being unlike earlier boss who was very friendly, the boss in the current location is tough and demanding. The boss gives additional work; expects to   complete the work fast; does not explicitly express warmth; does not profusely admire or appreciate good work done by Ramesh but immediately points out the mistakes and failings; Ramesh, of late, has started feeling he is sharing the responsibility & work of his boss without additional benefit or comfort.

He strongly felt he must talk to his earlier boss who has been his friend, philosopher & guide.

Ramesh takes leave, comes & meets his former boss to express his disappointment & frustration in the new work place.



The obvious fact is Ramesh is unhappy in the new place; the main reason is his perception that his current boss is a tough task master & unfriendly. He feels his boss treats him as just a subordinate. He wants to escape from the situation secretly craving for revoking of transfer.

The main issue here is Ramesh’s conclusion that his boss is incompatible.

Now that Ramesh has come to meet his previous boss how can his friendly boss help Ramesh resolve the issue with NLP intervention?



We will address the issue at the PERCEPTION level of Ramesh.

To deal with this situation NLP intervenes with REFRAMING

REFRAMING is a way of releasing people from mental slavery. REFRAMING is viewing the same situation from an empowering angle.

People deal not with situation as it is but rather with their perception of the situation, the understanding they have of the situation, the inference they make of the situation & the conclusion they come to based on their frame of reference shaped by beliefs & past experience.

If the frame of reference is appropriate their experience of the situation is satisfactory.

If the frame of reference is inappropriate they feel dissatisfied & uncomfortable.

Neuro Linguistic Programming aka NLP gives specific way to encompass many more choices & break out from these limiting frames .The process is called REFRAMING

While the cause of the issue may be out of control, the response behavior (symptom) as a consequence of the issue can be addressed, altered appropriately to bring in comfort within.

REFRAMING is a model designed to work exclusively with the symptom. We can open up the frame to include another meaning of the symptom; we can find another context in which the same symptom works well;

There are two types of content (symptom) REFRAMING





Here there is nothing inherently wrong with cause of the situation; but the meaning given to it is altered appropriately for better understanding of the situation which empowers for further productivity or satisfaction.


For example: – situation —‘ooph this year I have to pay more income tax than last year’;

MEANING REFRAMING –it means more income this year than last year.


 CONTEXT REFRAMING:-   Here the behavior is  not easy to   change in the existing context  and so finding an appropriate context where the  behavior fits in.


For example: – situation– “I get too involved with details”      

CONTEXT REFRAMING – “Details can be involving I know, and you wouldn’t have made it this far in the company had you not known when to get involved in the details”           


Coming to the case study

Ramesh ‘s perception is that his current boss is hostile to his feelings & sentiments.

Ramesh cannot change the situation (behavior of his boss) whereas Ramesh has a choice to change his response to the situation which he is not aware of.

Now by NLP counseling if the meaning to the situation is altered appropriately Ramesh can be empowered to face the situation with delight

One of the fundamental beliefs of NLP is ‘every behavior has a positive intention.’

His former boss said: – “ Ramesh ! Your boss in fact is a nice person. If he is demanding & expects more from you, it means he has full faith in you and wants you to come up soon by facing tough situation and helps you to equip managerial skills so that you grow soon in your career. Though on the surface he appears to be tough, in fact he has concern for your well being. That’s why he wants you to stretch & go extra mile. “

It was a revelation to Ramesh and he took the situation in his stride and started respecting & accepting his new boss and started working with more enthusiasm and vigor.


REFRAMING creates freedom to maneuver. It gives larger context or frame. Then you see you are not stuck with a specific behavior in a specific situation. There are many other ways as well which can empower us to progress towards growth & well being.