COMMITMENT

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Thoughts on COMMITMENT
(as shared from random readings, hence source not known)

  • Commitment is giving all that you have to get all that you want
  • A true commitment is the focusing of energy toward a purpose or cause
  • Commitment is doing rather than saying
  • Commitment is persevering & continuing to pursue your vision in spite of distraction hardship criticism & risk
  • Commitment is not a vague promise to yourself that you will do something
  • Commitment is doing something because you believe it is right for you to do it
  • Commitment like confidence is a special kind of thinking, a single minded sense & purpose that is fuelled by the energy of personal vision
  • Commitment is something you live & love
  • Everything you do is a reflection of your commitment
  • No one can help you overcome a lack of commitment to your own life
  • If you don’t have it no one can provide for you
  • Honoring commitment is honoring oneself

For Self Efficacy – Gita says

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தன்னைத் தானே உயர்த்திட வேண்டும்
தன்னைத் தாழ்த்தல் தவிர்த்திட வேண்டும்
தனக்கு நண்பனும் பகைவனும் தானே
/கீதை அத்6 சுலோ 5/
one should cause for one’s emancipation & growth;
one should refrain from self deprecation;
one is one’s own friend & one’s own enemy
/BG ch6 sloka 5/

தன்னைத் தானே வென்றான் இடத்தே
தானே தனக்கு நண்பனும் ஆவான்
தன்னைத் தானே வெல்லான் தனக்குத்
தானே எதிராய்ப் பகைவனும் ஆவனே
/கீதை அத்6 சுலோ6/
One who is congruent becomes one’s own friend
One who is not congruent is one’s own enemy
/BG ch6 sloka6/

The need for action – செயலின் தேவை

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உலகில் செயலில் வெற்றி விழைவார்
தேவதை தமையே தொழுதே வழுத்துவர்
மனிதர் நிறைந்த உலகில் வெற்றியும்
செயலில் இருந்தே விரைவில் விளையும்
/ பகவத் கீதை அத்4 சுலோ 12/
Meaning –
Desiring fulfillement of actions,
many here sacrifice to gods.
In the human world,
accomplishment comes quickly
as a result of action.
/BG ch.4 sloka 12/

Srimadh Bagavath Gita emphasises the need for taking action than merely praying for success. Action cures, action alone cures in the manifested human world. Mere wishing & praying may not bear fruit as action can.

INFLUENCE, CEASE TO CONTROL

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YOU CAN ONLY INFLUENCE, CAN’T CONTROL

In this high-tech fast paced world where everything is available at your call, at your door step, where knowledge of every kind is open to understanding and scrutiny at our will & poise, where relationship at every level, be it family, society or profession, have assumed a new dimension, in that the old practice of implicit obedience to age or authority or hierarchy is replaced by independent approach to issues airing one’s preference and choice and opinion it becomes hard bite to get your way these days simply by age old traditional model of command & control.

We are forced to communicate; we are forced to express our stand; we are forced to explain our logic or sentiment behind our decisions & thought process. People are not ready to take things on the face of it. We need to convince people to make them understand in the first place; next we need to get their acceptance.

So power or authority no more wields command like in the past. We need a new mind-set, new way to approach life and that new way is our ‘POWER TO INFLUENCE’

We must really influence people around by the way we conduct, by the way we communicate, and by the way we connect with people.

In order to develop the power to influence a simple ground rule for effective interpersonal relationship is winning the confidence of people with whom we interact

.

To win the confidence –
1) our intention & attention are two factors that make us irresistible to people around us

2) For BEST relationship
Begin the interaction
Establish warmth
Satisfy needs
Thank profusely

If the above strategy is adopted one is sure to create a platform for influencing people.

With the power to influence one enlist cooperation and commitment from people willfully joyously; one may expect a voluntary participation for a common cause; interaction becomes smoother.

Life becomes easier.

Influence, refrain from control.

NLP

NLP Case Study 3

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CASE STUDY 3

SITUATION:-

Siva has come to be the departmental head in the organization. He comes from another organization which has a different work culture, a rigid & authoritarian set-up where sub ordinates are expected to be very formal in interaction with higher –ups, do not use name in addressing the boss, do not confront openly. He is used to seeing only submissive team members; whereas in the new organization he has joined he is in for cultural shock; team members address him by name; seem to be more informal in approach and interaction. Though he finds the team members to be efficient at work, he is not able to control them or influence them. He has started feeling he is not in control of his department and may lose out if it continues. He is not able to express this out too. Yet Siva wants to be in control

 

UNDERSTANDING THE SITUATION  

Siva is uncomfortable in his new role is a fact; whereas the evidence for his conclusion is not appropriate. He is not able to adapt to the new work culture because he is not able to understand his team members; the open & direct interaction approach of his team members appear to him as disrespect to his authority.

Now what is important in the situation is Siva becoming comfortable in interacting and understanding his team members.

How can we help Siva with NLP intervention?

PROCESS OF NLP INTERVENTION FOR MANAGERIAL COUNSELING

RAPPORT gives comfort in inter personal relationship

Rapport is the good feeling one gets when in the company of somebody one likes or like one.

There is a saying “LIKE likes LIKE”

Rapport is the intelligent approach to influencing. Putting your own agenda on hold is a prerequisite for rapport. Listening and being curious are critical to the learning process and they are fundamental component of building rapport.

Rapport is a bonding at unconscious level.

One of the important traits of a team leader is to understand his team members & accept their uniqueness. If the leader can appreciate & recognize their individuality he also gains acceptance.

How to build RAPPORT?

1. VERBAL RAPPORT

2. NON VERBAL RAPPORT

VERBAL RAPPORT: – In order to gain rapport with an individual , one can restate the individual’s style of expression, in terms of peculiar phrases, passwords, slang, in conversation and also mirror his/her tempo & style in communication. This will make the respondent more responsive & comfortable

NON VERBAL RAPPORT: – In the interaction face to face if one mirrors and matches the posture & gesture of the other person, rapport is gradually gained.

This process of mirroring and matching the other person’s style is called PACING and if one can comfortably pace, then consequently one will be able to lead the other person effortlessly.

 

Now coming to the case study, Siva now must step down from his ‘one above’ stand to ‘one among the team in lead role’

For this Siva must freely & informally engage in small talk with his members understand their interest, preferences, values; find those that match with his and state them

Also mirror & match their language & physiology.

This will remove the barrier developed unconsciously and bring in comfort in the interaction. The members are efficient; only the bonding between SIVA & members must be strengthened. This Rapport building techniques will do that.

 

SUMMARY:-

Rapport is the foundation for any meaningful interaction between two or more people- whether it relates to sales, negotiation, providing information, direction to a co-worker, a conversation with family members, during training or coaching.

Rapport is about establishing an environment of trust, understanding, respect, and safety, which gives all people the freedom to fully express their ideas and concerns and know that these will be respected by the other person.

Rapport does not mean one person must agree with what the other person says or does. Instead each person appreciates the other’s view & respects their model of the world.

When you are in rapport with another person, you have the opportunity to enter their world & see from their perspective; appreciate why they feel the way they do, and arrive at a better understanding of who they are; as a result the whole relationship is enhanced.

RAPPORT is the port to anchor relationship

NLP

NLP CASE STUDY 2

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CASE STUDY 2

SITUATION

With the business climate changing & moved towards globalization, like many organization XYZ company too has changed its culture and style. Employees no more could ride on the comfort of just loyalty & seniority. Productivity & adaptability decided sustainability.
In this situation Ragu , a long time employee has started feeling left behind & insecure. He believes he cannot work with computers, SAP, 5S & so on ; He starts feeling humane touch is now lost; Ragu has started believing company has become task oriented & no more people oriented, and so he may be shown the door anytime.

With this fear he approaches his boss seeking assistance & understanding, help.

UNDERSTANDING THE SITUATION

Ragu has lost confidence in his ability to cope up with the changing scenario. He has poor self image. If he is allowed to continue with this frame of mind he will certainly attract what he doesn’t want to happen.

Ragu must be helped to restore confidence in him & also repose faith in the organization.

PROCESS OF NLP INTERVENTION FOR COUNSELING

One of the fundamental beliefs of NLP is ‘People already have all the resources they need’

THINKING according to NLP: – NLP has minutely studied people when they were thinking.

According to NLP, this is also a fact, when people think they form pictures, words/sounds, feelings inside their head about the subject of thinking.

Thus there is VISUAL thinking, AUDITORY thinking, and KINESTHETIC thinking.

Five senses seeing, hearing, feeling, smelling, tasting are the modes by which a man senses the world and sends it to brain where he makes sense of the sensory impulses.

In the process of giving meaning to this sensory experience he makes his perception and that perception becomes his reality.

For practical purpose NLP takes smelling & tasting as feeling; so man has three modes of experiencing world – VISUAL, AUDITORY, KINESTHETIC.

For each of these modes there are sub- modes embedded within.

Visual Sub Modalities: – size of the picture, color of the picture, brightness, still/moving, 2D/3D, distance of the picture from self.

Auditory Sub modalities: – volume, tone, intermittent/ continuous, location, distance from self

Kinesthetic sub modalities: – temperature, pressure, location, texture, intensity, distribution

These SUB MODALITIES are the building blocks of an experience. In other words sub modalities are the ingredients of an experience; structure of an experience. Sub modalities are the internal representation of an experience.

What is the difference between how we produce the state of depression or the state of joy? The main difference is in the way we structure our internal experience.

If an experience is joyous NLP does not simply see the content (what has given joy, say ice cream) but at the internal representation (of ice cream).

Likewise for sorrow, bitterness, disappointment etc.

If one wants to change one’s bitterness of an event, NLP asks the subject first to take an inventory of sub-modalities & then by altering the sub-modalities of visual auditory, kinesthetic one can gradually reduce the degree of bitterness and finally move to a better situation.

Coming to the case study:-

Now to help Ragu develop faith in his ability to learn & adapt to the changing scenario, Ragu must be made to believe he is capable of learning, he is capable coping.

Ragu must be asked to recall a situation from his past when he learnt something new & he was thrilled by it; perhaps something he attempted on his own and gained confidence.

Now Ragu must be asked to relive that past  situation now inside his head; see hear feel all those  he experienced then; He must also notice the emotional state as he does this process of figuring out the structure of that experience.

Having noted the entire sub – modalities, Ragu must now gradually substitute these sub modalities for the work situation and check for the emotional response.

Surprisingly Ragu will find that he is capable of changing learning coping with the current scenario; His self image will get brightened.

SUMMARY 

SUB MODALITY is a unique finding of NLP; anything & everything of subjective experience can easily be changed.

To change a repulsive experience to an acceptable experience, inside your head, simply push the distance of the picture, dim it further, make it still, reduce the volume of sound, make the sound intermittent, and reduce the density & intensity of feeling; that’s all. It is amazing that the quality of experience changes.

By altering the structure of experience quality of experience can be changed.

One can always feel  in control in any situation by gaining familiarity and proficiency in identifying and altering sub modalities appropriately.

It is not what happens in life that matters. What we do with what happens in life that matters.

உழைப்பே உயர்வு – EFFORT IS NOBLE

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நந்தெறும்பு தூக்கணம் காக்கை என்று இவைபோல்
தம் கருமம் நல்ல கடைபிடித்துத் தம் கருமம்
அப்பெற்றியாக முயல்பவர்க்கு ஆசாரம்
எப்பற்றி யாயினும் படும்
/ ஆசாரக் கோவை/

பொருள் : –
எறும்பு ஓய்வின்றி சுறுசுறுப்பாக உழைத்து உணவு தேடிக் கொள்வது போலவும்,
தூக்கணாங்குருவி விடாமுயற்சியோடு பாதுகாப்பான கூடு கட்டி வாழ்வதுபோலவும்,
காக்கை கூவி அழைத்து கூடி உண்பது போலவும்,
தன்னுடைய செயல்களில் சுறுசுறுப்பு, ஊக்கம், விடாமுயற்சி, பிறரை அனுசரித்து வாழ்ந்து பணியாற்றுபவனுக்கு உயர்வு நிச்சயம் உண்டு.

Meaning – One who tirelessly strives like ants, persistent like sparrow building its nest, accomodative like crow coexisting with its crowd, one is sure to succeed & grow in life.

NLP

NLP CASE STUDY 1

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CASE STUDY 1

The issue

Ramesh is a very sincere executive of the organization. He was recently transferred to a different location with better benefits. Ramesh too initially thought it to be good.

But of late Ramesh started feeling lonely & left out. He often regretted over the change and cursed himself why he accepted it. He often felt he must get back to his earlier location; the reason being unlike earlier boss who was very friendly, the boss in the current location is tough and demanding. The boss gives additional work; expects to   complete the work fast; does not explicitly express warmth; does not profusely admire or appreciate good work done by Ramesh but immediately points out the mistakes and failings; Ramesh, of late, has started feeling he is sharing the responsibility & work of his boss without additional benefit or comfort.

He strongly felt he must talk to his earlier boss who has been his friend, philosopher & guide.

Ramesh takes leave, comes & meets his former boss to express his disappointment & frustration in the new work place.

 

UNDERSTANDING THE SITUATION

The obvious fact is Ramesh is unhappy in the new place; the main reason is his perception that his current boss is a tough task master & unfriendly. He feels his boss treats him as just a subordinate. He wants to escape from the situation secretly craving for revoking of transfer.

The main issue here is Ramesh’s conclusion that his boss is incompatible.

Now that Ramesh has come to meet his previous boss how can his friendly boss help Ramesh resolve the issue with NLP intervention?

 

PROCESS OF NLP INTERVENTION FOR COUNSELING    

We will address the issue at the PERCEPTION level of Ramesh.

To deal with this situation NLP intervenes with REFRAMING

REFRAMING is a way of releasing people from mental slavery. REFRAMING is viewing the same situation from an empowering angle.

People deal not with situation as it is but rather with their perception of the situation, the understanding they have of the situation, the inference they make of the situation & the conclusion they come to based on their frame of reference shaped by beliefs & past experience.

If the frame of reference is appropriate their experience of the situation is satisfactory.

If the frame of reference is inappropriate they feel dissatisfied & uncomfortable.

Neuro Linguistic Programming aka NLP gives specific way to encompass many more choices & break out from these limiting frames .The process is called REFRAMING

While the cause of the issue may be out of control, the response behavior (symptom) as a consequence of the issue can be addressed, altered appropriately to bring in comfort within.

REFRAMING is a model designed to work exclusively with the symptom. We can open up the frame to include another meaning of the symptom; we can find another context in which the same symptom works well;

There are two types of content (symptom) REFRAMING

1)MEANING REFRAMING

2)2)CONTEXT  REFRAMING

 

MEANING REFRAMING:-  

Here there is nothing inherently wrong with cause of the situation; but the meaning given to it is altered appropriately for better understanding of the situation which empowers for further productivity or satisfaction.

 

For example: – situation —‘ooph this year I have to pay more income tax than last year’;

MEANING REFRAMING –it means more income this year than last year.

 

 CONTEXT REFRAMING:-   Here the behavior is  not easy to   change in the existing context  and so finding an appropriate context where the  behavior fits in.

 

For example: – situation– “I get too involved with details”      

CONTEXT REFRAMING – “Details can be involving I know, and you wouldn’t have made it this far in the company had you not known when to get involved in the details”           

 

Coming to the case study

Ramesh ‘s perception is that his current boss is hostile to his feelings & sentiments.

Ramesh cannot change the situation (behavior of his boss) whereas Ramesh has a choice to change his response to the situation which he is not aware of.

Now by NLP counseling if the meaning to the situation is altered appropriately Ramesh can be empowered to face the situation with delight

One of the fundamental beliefs of NLP is ‘every behavior has a positive intention.’

His former boss said: – “ Ramesh ! Your boss in fact is a nice person. If he is demanding & expects more from you, it means he has full faith in you and wants you to come up soon by facing tough situation and helps you to equip managerial skills so that you grow soon in your career. Though on the surface he appears to be tough, in fact he has concern for your well being. That’s why he wants you to stretch & go extra mile. “

It was a revelation to Ramesh and he took the situation in his stride and started respecting & accepting his new boss and started working with more enthusiasm and vigor.

SUMMARY:-

REFRAMING creates freedom to maneuver. It gives larger context or frame. Then you see you are not stuck with a specific behavior in a specific situation. There are many other ways as well which can empower us to progress towards growth & well being.

 

 

ஒழுக்கம்- CONDUCT

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நன்றி அறிதல் பொறை உடைமை இன்சொல்லோடு
இன்னாத எவ்வுயிர்க்கும் செய்யாமை கல்வியோடு
ஒப்புரவு ஆற்ற அறிதல் அறிவுடைமை
நல்லினத்தாரோடு நட்டல் இவைஎட்டும்
சொல்லிய ஆசாரவித்து
/ ஆசாரக் கோவை/
1.பிறர் செய்த உதவிக்கு நன்றி பாரட்டுதல்,
2. பொறுமை உடையராக இருத்தல்
3. எந்த உயிருக்கும் தீங்கு செய்யாதிருத்தல்
4. இனிய சொற்களைப் பேசுதல்
5. உலகத்தோடு ஒட்டி வாழுதல்
6. கல்வி கற்று அறிவை வளர்த்தல்
7. பெரியவர்கள் வழிகாட்டியபடி வாழ்தல்
8. நல்ல குணம் உடையவர்களை நட்பாக கொள்ளல்

இவை எட்டும் நல்லொழுக்கத்தின் வித்தென ஆசாரக் கொவை சொல்கிறது.

1. Being grateful
2. Being patient
3. Being harmless
4. Being kind in words
5. Being adaptive to environ
6. Being  wise by proper learning
7. Being guided by respectable elders
8. Being a friend of those who are noble
These 8 qualities are the seeds for a noble life with appreciatable conduct says ” ACHARA KOVAI”

 

MOTIVATION OVERDOZE

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 SELF-HELP DELUSION


 ‘IF YOU CAN BOUNCE BACK YOU CAN GET BACK FROM ANY SET BACK’

This quote coined by me may sound rhyming; may seem to have some sense.

It is like one of those motivational messages sneaking, creeeping teasing, tossing & flooding everywhere;

There are more of what to dos; what not to dos.

Like this general self-help books churn out pages & pages of advice, telling you, commanding you, dictating you, even ridiculing you with ridiculous statements like what I have coined and shared above.

These statements like mosquitoes tease you wherever you go, whichever side you turn these days. Mobile is infested with hundreds of motivational sms of the same drab stuff circulating hundreth time; open your mailbox there they hit you with pictures & videos…

Self styled evangelists of MOTIVATION & INSPIRATION and also a few claim to be inspired by GOD advice people from roof top as if people dont know anything.

Even the generic books preach as if people dont know what to do to tide over difficulties.

People most often know what to do; people get themselves the know-how of changing behaviour/habit.

The issue is not ‘know-how’ but ‘do-how’

Yes doing what they know is the issue..

People are helpless prisoners of behavioral pattern. In spite of their desire or frustration to change, people continue to be where they are.

Books or advice do not address this issue; only deal with it superficially which does not sufficiently help the person to bring in desired change.

Now the conflict starts within the person, guilt mounts up; frustration hightens..

The person sits with bitterness that the book has not hooked him; the book has not pushed him to take action to bring the desired change. After sometime the book becomes a burden.

My request to self development aspirants is that live life the way you want to live and go by your experience;

If you are angry, express anger

If you are frustrated, let out frustration

If you are upset about your failure, be upset.

You have every right to be as you are;

My request is ‘Kindly do not be overtly deluded by ‘POSITIVEs’ or ‘NEGATIVEs’

Your experience & your understanding is your true guide whether postive or negative.

YOU ARE YOUR MIRACLE !!!