YOU here refers to your unique set of chromosomes, your abilities, traits, perception & experience.
NLP says go by your experience and feedback from within;
With regard to growth and development there is no universally applicable standard fitting all.
Each person’s experience may differ and each experience is true from the experiencer’s view.
This space is very much needed for authentic growth and development.

Substantiating this view I quote here Swami Vivekananda’s words

“Every man should take up his own ideal and endeavor to accomplish it. That is a surer way of progress than taking up other men’s ideals, which he can never hope to accomplish…. all the men and women, in any society are not of the same mind, capacity, or of the same power to do things; they must have different ideals, and we have no right to sneer at any ideal. Let every one do the best he can for realizing his own ideal. Nor is it right that I should be judged by your standard or you by mine. The apple tree should not be judged by the standard of the oak, nor the oak by that of the apple. To judge the apple tree you must take apple standard, and for the oak, its own standard.”
(Ref Complete Works Of Swami Vivekananda, Vol 1 page 41)

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A woman caller complained of son’s sudden indifference to studies
and also of disobedience.
She wanted me to have a sitting with her son to ‘correct him‘
with the help of NLP
I said to the mother that I share her concern for her son;
and I asked her what evidence she has now that makes her feel worried over ‘changed behavior’.
The son is 7th standard and all along he was scoring first rank and
now in the mid-term test he has scored only 50% in Maths;
and he does not come to take food immediately and he has to be goaded.

Upon inquiry I understood the mother has a 7 year old daughter also;
and of the two the mother gives more attention to the younger child,(daughter)
and the boy is instructed to take care of himself because he has sufficiently grown.

Now it is easy to identify where the issue lies.
The boy was receiving sufficient attention from his mother and
now he finds a changed attitude from his mother that has disappointed him;
he is upset and perhaps his efforts to demand his mother’s attention
would have been foiled  by the dictating mother.

From the angle of the mother son is at fault;
her perception is her reality;
To solve her problem, my role now is to make the mother understand how appropriate is her perception.
In fact she needs ‘correction’ to correct her son.

Like this mother we all carry a MAP OF REALITY, based on our perception & inference
and tend to judge the world based on the standard we create.
If it is appropriate then we feel comfortable and
if it is not appropriate we feel uncomfortable.

NLP says be flexible enough to modify your map.

Those who are flexible succeed and grow.
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