Confident assertive communication

/in /by

CONFIDENT ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATION

In today’s highly competitive environ it’s not just enough to be good at something. We have to be really good at communicating our abilities to others as well.

While some of the methods of communicating this ability may be inanimate – web site, email, c v, or letter of recommendation- the really crucial channel is live and human: how we talk to each other.

The crux of selling ourselves is not only what we communicate but how we communicate as well.

How effective are we in our communication with those concerned with our life or the situation we are in? The answer to this question is the indicator of our success in life.

In fact the quality of our life is the quality of our communication.

 

In order for communication to be effective one primary requisite is ‘our confidence’ in our ability.

The dictionary meaning of confidence is:

The belief that you can manage successfully.

What is belief anyway?

Belief is simply a thought taken to be true by the individual

So the crux of confident assertive communication is –

building positive self beliefs –  the belief in one’s ability to perform, excel, communicate, succeed & shine.

Belief brings relief

ALL GREAT LEADERS ARE POWERFUL COMMUNICATORS

All great leaders are powerful communicators. Their power to communicate comes from a sense of mission and self worth. They have a purpose to work for and persistence to get going against odds.

 

What are the ways to develop a positive self belief like a leader?

The first requisite is a positive self concept.

SELF CONFIDENCE IS THE BELIEF IN ONE’S ABILITY.

 SELF IMAGE IS ONE’S IMPRESSION ABOUT ONESELF.

 SELF ESTEEM IS ONE’S OWN REPUTATION ABOUT ONESELF.

 These three qualities are inter-related. Any change in one of these affects or effects the other two.

So a positive self concept is the first pre-requisite for effective communication.

 

WAYS to develop POSITIVE ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATION

  1. Self Acceptance
  2. Appreciating one’s uniqueness
  3. Stop comparing with others
  4. Belief in one’s ability
  5. Being curious to learn & grow
  6. Having an aim in life
  7. Overcoming fear of failure
  8. Learning from failure.
  9. Respecting others
  10. Positive attitude

SIX POWERS of CONFIDENT LIVING

1) POWER OF BELIEF

2) POWER OF RESPONSIBILITY

3) POWER OF FOCUS

4) POWER OF COMMITMENT

5) POWER OF ACTION

6) POWER OF ACHIEVEMENT

 

? Pain seems to motivate better

/in /by
Why
the fear of pain motivates people better than seeking  fulfillment?

Why
fear has more power than fascination?

Human
biological system is programmed towards ‘safety’;
anything that seems to endanger safety man quickly
reacts.
Hence FEAR OF PAIN means losing something; 
fear of
losing what one values significantly.
Man does not want to lose;
so he gets stressed to take action.. 
 
Such ‘motivation’ is based on distress has its side effects
like English medicine.

If one
is habituated to taking action only after an external stimulus, then for
anything & everything only when there is a push man will take action; 
this
is more reactionary; ordinary people do this way.   
So long as we remain this way we become a
prisoner of circumstance.

In
this state of mind it is task completion that becomes a primary concern than the
quality of the task.

Yet
fear of pain is more powerful because it is physical.


Seeking fulfillment is more an intellectual
calculation than an experience evidenced by senses;
so it does not stimulate so much.

Senses
play a vital role in influencing the state of mind;

When
knowledge is sensory based it catches our mind and attention easily.

How to
make fulfillment more motivating than the negative fear?

NLP
says “SIMULATION”

How
will that experience be when you get what you want?
Imagine and construct the result. Envision the end
result.

When
you succeed in completing the task & get the desired result-
What will you SEE then?
What will you HEAR then?
How will you FEEL then?

Construct
the result and see it as if it is happening right now. 
Simulate inside your
head.

Timothy
Galway through his book  “INNER GAME of
TENNIS” advocates mental rehearsal; according to him mental rehearsal has a
very great positive impact on performance than the actual rehearsal.

The
author Bruce Lipton says in his book Biology of Belief, ‘ your
beliefs act like filters on a camera, changing how you see the world and you
biology adapts to those belief”

Hence
our brain cannot differentiate between imagined situation & real situation.

Once
your experience is sensory based as seeing hearing feeling it becomes certain
for you that you are sure to get the result you want.  Now because ‘sense
of certainty’ sets in you embark on action as a matter of fact than a
deliberate effort.

This
proactive attitude gives enough space for you to be creative appropriate and
effective.

SIMULATION
gives STIMULATION. 
www.vrnlp.com 

? Pain seems to motivate better

/in /by

? Pain seems to motivate better

Why the fear of pain motivates people better than seeking of fulfillment?

Why fear has more power than fascination?

Human biological system is programmed towards ‘safety’;
anything that seems to endanger safety man quickly reacts.
Hence FEAR OF PAIN means losing something; fear of losing what one values significantly.
Man does not want to lose;
so he gets stressed to take action..
Such ‘motivation’ is based on distress has its side effects like English medicine.

If one is habituated to taking action only after an external stimulus, then for anything & everything only when there is a push man will take action; this is more reactionary; ordinary people do this way.  So long as we remain this way we become a prisoner of circumstance.

In this state of mind it task completion that becomes a primary concern than the quality of the task.

Yet fear of pain is more powerful because it is physical.

Seeking fulfillment is more an intellectual calculation than an experience evidenced by senses;
so it does not stimulate so much.

Senses play a vital role in influencing the state of mind;

When knowledge is sensory based it catches our mind and attention easily.

How to make fulfillment more motivating than the negative fear?

NLP says “SIMULATION”

How will that experience be when you get what you want?
Imagine and construct the result. Envision the end result.

When you succeed in completing the task & get the desired result-
What will you SEE then?
What will you HEAR then?
How will you FEEL then?

Construct the result and see it as if it is happening right now. Simulate inside your head.

Timothy Galway through his book  “INNER GAME of TENNIS” advocates mental rehearsal; according to him mental rehearsal has a very great positive impact on performance than the actual rehearsal.

The author Bruce Lipton says in his book Biology of Belief, ‘ your beliefs act like filters on a camera, changing how you see the world and you biology adapts to those belief”

Hence our brain cannot differentiate between imagined situation & real situation.

Once your experience is sensory based as seeing hearing feeling it becomes certain for you that you are sure to get the result you want.  Now because ‘sense of certainty’ sets in you embark on action as a matter of fact than a deliberate effort.

This proactive attitude gives enough space for you to be creative appropriate and effective.

SIMULATION gives STIMULATION.

NLP through stories – story 61

/in /by

In keeping with his doctrine that nothing be taken too
seriously, not even his own teachings, the Master loved to tell this story on
himself:

“My very first disciple was so weak that the exercises
killed him. My second disciple drove himself crazy from his earnest practice of
the exercises I gave him. My third disciple dulled his intellect through too
much contemplation. But the fourth managed to keep his sanity.”

“Why was that?” someone would invariably ask.

“Possibly
because he was the only one who refused to do the exercises.” The Master’s
words would be drowned in howls of laughter.
Learning  :
Humor is a good
tonic to the mind.

Humour removes
the tumour in the mind.

Humour brings
you here & now

Laughing at
oneself also lightens burden and self criticism

NLP advocates
to be resourceful and to be resourceful humour is a great facilitator.
 www.vrnlp.com

பழமொழி மூலம் என்.எல்.பி

/in /by

“முள்ளை முள்ளால் எடுக்கலாம்; சேற்றை சேற்றால் போக்க முடியுமா?”

முள்ளை முள்ளால் எடுப்பது போல் சேற்றை சேற்றால் எடுக்க முயற்சி செய்தால் மேலும் சேறு பூசப் பெற்று அழுக்காகத்தான் ஆகும்.
முள்ளின் தன்மை வேறு; சேற்றின் தன்மை வேறு என்பதை புரிந்து கொண்டவர்கள் இந்தத் தவறை செய்ய மாட்டார்கள்

ஒவ்வொன்றின் தன்மைக்கு ஏற்றவாறு வழிமுறையை தேர்வு செய்ய வேண்டும். இல்லையேல் சிக்கல்தான் அதிகரிக்கும்.

என்.எல்..பி என்ன சொல்கிறது ?
நாம் ஒவ்வொருவரும் தனித்துவம் வாய்ந்தவர்கள்.
Everyone is unique; this uniqueness must be cherished
ஒருவர் போல் மற்றவர் அப்படியே கிடையாது. அதனால் ஒருவருக்குப் பொருந்தும் ஒரு விஷயம் மற்றவருக்கு அப்படியே பொருந்தும் என சொல்ல முடியாது.
எந்த ஒரு தனிபரின் எண்ணம் நோக்கம் உள்வாங்கும் பாங்கு, அவர் சார்ந்துள்ள சூழல் ஆகியவற்றை கணக்கில் எடுத்துக் கொள்ள வேண்டும். அப்போதுதான் அவருக்குப் பொருத்தமாக உதவி செய்ய முடியும்.

என்.எல்.பி உத்திகளை கையாளும்போதும் மாத்திரைகளை பரிந்துரை செய்வது போல ‘இதுக்கு இது அதுக்கு அது’ என்று பொத்தாம்பொதுவாக கையாளாமல் ஆலோசனை கேட்கும் நபரின் தனித்தன்மையை அவரது சூழ்னிலையை புரிந்து கொண்டு அதற்கு தகுந்தபடி உதவி செய்தல் வேண்டும்.

 

F E A R

/in /by

Former American president F D Roosevelt said,” Let me assert my firm belief
that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself”

Excellent quote; Very wise advice.

Fear is used as acronym.

FEAR is False Evidence Appearing Real

FEAR is Forget Everything And Run

FEAR is Fantasy Eliminating Available Resource  

“The only way to get rid of fear is to take action”

It’s true.

Action cures; action cures all ills.

Yet..

From real life experience you know the issue is ‘getting into action’

When fear rules there is so much work going on inside our head that we get
no time to take to action; we are so much overwhelmed by the preoccupation
fuelled by fear we hardly have the nerve to navigate to action.

The inevitable statement issued by such people paralyzed by fear is, “ I
want to but ……”

This but buttresses whole energy & enthusiasm

This means you need a push to get into action

You are stuck due to factors that seem to be beyond your conscious control.

This means that fear happens in you in spite of your wish to push it.

You are unconsciously compelled to behave in a fearful way.

This mandates another process that can reach to your unconscious depth and
set right your thinking process to express confidence, calmness, clarity &
boldness.

The fact is a person suffering from fear is conscious of what to do, but not
conscious enough how to do.

This HOW is provided by Neuro Linguistic Program which works with
unconscious process of a human and helps him to get released from
unpleasantness.

Advice is not an antidote to fear.

A new MIND PROGRAM is the antidote.

NLP programs mind for confidence, peace, and success in life.
www.vrnlp.com

On FEAR

/in /by

On FEAR

“The only way to get rid of fear is to take action”

Former American president F D Roosevelt said, “Let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself”

Excellent quote; Very wise advice.

Fear is used as acronym.

FEAR is False Evidence Appearing Real

FEAR is Forget Everything And Run

FEAR is Fantasy Eliminating Available Resource

It’s true.

Action cures; action cures all ills.

Yet..

From real life experience you know the real issue is ‘getting into action’

When fear rules there is so much work going on inside our head that we get no time to take to action; we are so much overwhelmed by the preoccupation fueled by fear we hardly have the nerve to navigate to action.

The inevitable statement issued by such people paralyzed by fear is, “ I want to but ……”

This but buttress fear feelings only.

This means you need a push to get into action

You are stuck due to factors that seem to be beyond your conscious control.

This means that fear happens in you in spite of your wish to push it.

You are unconsciously compelled to behave in a fearful way.

This mandates another process that can reach to your unconscious depth and set right your thinking process to express confidence, calmness, clarity & boldness.

The fact is a person suffering from fear is conscious of what to do, but not conscious enough how to do.

This HOW is provided by Neuro Linguistic Program which works with unconscious process of a human and helps him to get released from unpleasantness.

Advice is not an antidote to fear.

A new MIND PROGRAM is the antidote.

NLP programs mind for confidence, peace, and success in life.

You can be spontaneously confident, bold & assertive.

with NLP you too can become a New Lovable Person !!

Myth about EPS

/in /by

 

Myth about EPS skill

 EPS is acronym for Effective Public Speaking.

Often the efficacy of effective public speaking skill is overrated.

No doubt all great leaders are powerful communicators.

Does that mean all popular & great leaders without exception had an impeccable and immaculate oratorical skill?

Stupid analogy

I wish to share an interesting analogy, a trainer for soft skill used in order to convince a group of audience on the need for developing public speaking skill. He called out a volunteer. The volunteer came.

The trainer asked the volunteer, “How would you feel if I keep bag of 100 bricks on your head?”

Volunteer replied, “very heavy; but still can manage”

Trainer, “what if I keep removing bricks gradually and finally you are left with only brick on your head?”

Volunteer, “Very light pleasant & easy” (with a conspicuous expression of relief)

Trainer said, “yes.. Same way if you can confidently speak in front of 100 people, you can easily talk to one person”

What would you say on this analogy??

Talking to 100 people and talking to one person- are they same in the process of communication?

Is not public speaking a monologue and a one to one conversation/communication a dialogue?

Are not the intonation & physiology different in both the context?

I say with emphasis that the efficacy of effective public speaking skill is overrated.

In order to be successful in life one need not necessarily have public speaking ability.

What EPS cannot do automatically?

Overcoming the fear of public speaking

-does not automatically make you a ‘fearless person’,

-does not automatically make you shed inhibitions & fear entirely from life?

– does not automatically make you a pleasing person?

-does not make you a strategic & charismatic leader?

– does not make you automatically successful in life?

Politicians are great orators. Yet I am sure many would agree their speeches are empty sounds, may be momentarily entertaining.

 

Does everyone need?

Effective Public speaking skill is needed only for those who have the need for addressing meetings on an ongoing basis as a part of their life activity.

Yet public speaking is not a needed daily activity for everybody.

When something is not needed why carry with you? Is it not a burden?

Everyone does not need to be an effective public speaker? It is not necessary to overcome fear only from overcoming fear of public speaking.

 

Misnomer

It is a misnomer to say that an effective public speaker is an effective communicator.

Many of such persons fail in one to one conversation;

They mostly fail to pay attention to the respondent;

They have the urge to only impress the respondent with verbal gymnastic or manipulate with word play.

In my observation an effective communicator has a greater degree of empathy & respect for the respondent than a person who is fearless about public speaking.

Everyday communication is to strengthen heart more than just reach ears

 

EPS is not the only way

It is being regularly injected into minds of gullible seekers of self development that EPS is a must for effectiveness in communication.

While overcoming the fear of public speaking may give a person a feel good factor or may give a raise in self esteem and also a sense of accomplishment, it is not a fool proof way to overcome shyness and the only way to raise self confidence.

EPS is not the only way to develop effectiveness in communication.

On the contrary over dependence on EPS is counterproductive to effectiveness in everyday communication.

Learn the skill of public speaking; don’t lean on the effectiveness of public speaking alone.

 

Art of Effective Private Speaking

On any given day we all spend more time in private conversation/communication than group communication.

This one to one communication makes or breaks our day, relationship and in the process our life

Is not clear from this that we need to develop the art of private speaking?

You, as a reader of this article, start appreciating this view

Effectiveness in everyday communication is more important than effectiveness in public communication on an occasional event.

Let’s make this world a beautiful place to live by developing responsible communication skill.

Develop the ART OF PRIVATE SPEAKING SKILL.                          

 

“An empathetic ear is more effective in communication than an eloquent mouth”

Myth about EPS

/in /by

Myth about EPS skill

EPS is acronym for Effective Public Speaking.
Often the
efficacy of effective public speaking skill is overrated.
No doubt
all great leaders are powerful communicators. 
Does that
mean all popular & great leaders without exception had an impeccable and
immaculate oratorical skill? 
Stupid analogy
I wish to
share an interesting analogy a trainer for soft skill used in order to
convince a group of audience on the need for developing public speaking skill.
He called out a volunteer. The volunteer came.
The
trainer asked the volunteer, “How
would you feel if I keep a bag of 100 bricks on your head?”
Volunteer
replied, “very heavy; but
still can manage”
Trainer, “what if I keep removing bricks gradually and
finally you are left with only one brick on your head?”
Volunteer,
“Very light pleasant &
easy” (with a
conspicuous expression of relief)
Trainer
said, “yes.. Same way if you
can confidently speak in front of 100 people, you can easily talk to one
person”
What would
you say on this analogy??
Talking to
100 people and talking to one person- are they same in the process of
communication?
Is not
public speaking a monologue and a one to one conversation/communication a
dialogue?
Are not
the intonation & physiology different in both the context?
I say with
emphasis that the efficacy of effective public speaking skill is overrated.
In order
to be successful in life one need not necessarily have public speaking ability.
What EPS cannot do automatically?
Overcoming
the fear of public speaking
-does not
automatically make you a ‘fearless person’,
-does not
automatically make you shed inhibitions & fear entirely from life
-does not
automatically make you a pleasing person
-does not
make you a strategic & charismatic leader
– does not
make you automatically successful in life
Politicians
are great orators. Yet I am sure many would agree their speeches are empty
sounds, may be momentarily entertaining.
Does everyone need?
Effective
Public speaking skill is needed only for those who have the need for addressing
meetings on an ongoing basis as a part of their life activity. 
Yet public
speaking is not a needed daily activity for everybody.
When
something is not needed why carry with you? Is it not a burden?
Everyone
does not need to be an effective public speaker?
It is not necessary to
overcome fear only by overcoming the fear of public speaking.
Misnomer
It is a
misnomer to say that an effective public speaker is an effective communicator.
Many of
such persons fail in one to one conversation;
They
mostly fail to pay attention to the respondent;
They have
the urge to only impress the respondent with verbal gymnastic or manipulate
with word play.
In my
observation an effective communicator has a greater degree of empathy &
respect for the respondent than a person who is fearless about public speaking.
Everyday communication is to
strengthen heart more than to just reach ears
EPS is not the only way
It is
being regularly injected into the minds of gullible seekers of self development
that EPS is a must for effectiveness in communication.
While
overcoming the fear of public speaking may give a person a feel good factor or
may give a raise in self esteem and also a sense of accomplishment, it is not a
fool proof way to overcome shyness and the only way to raise self confidence.
EPS is not
the only way to develop effectiveness in communication.
On the contrary
over dependence on EPS is counterproductive to effectiveness in everyday communication.
Learn the skill of public speaking; don’t lean on the effectiveness
of public speaking alone.
Art of Effective Private Speaking
On any
given day we all spend more time in private conversation/communication than group
communication.
This one
to one communication makes or breaks our day, our relationship and in the process
our life
Is not clear from this that we need to develop
the art of private speaking?
You, as a
reader of this article, start appreciating this view.
Effectiveness in everyday
communication is more important than effectiveness in public communication on
an occasional event.
Let’s make
this world a beautiful place to live by developing responsible communication
skill.
Develop the ART OF
PRIVATE SPEAKING skill.                          
“An empathetic ear is more effective in communication
than an eloquent mouth”
www.vrnlp.com 

NLP through stories -story 60

/in /by

“How shall I rid myself of fear ?”

“How can you rid yourself of something you are clinging to?”

“you mean I cling to fears ? I cannot agree to that” 

“Consider what your fear protects you from and you will agree. And you will see your folly”

Learning

People may complain of difficulties and seek for counseling for relief.
Yet on careful study it becomes easy to understand that such feelings of difficulties people hold on to in order to get protected from some other perceived problem.
For example people often say of headache due to tension. if one carefully studies their pattern it is easy to find that they want the headache to prevail so that they can use it as a pretext to avoid any work stretch.
Sometimes  such difficulties are a pretext to avoid perceived difficulties.
NLP says “EVERY BEHAVIOR HAS A POSITIVE INTENTION”

For example
Every criticism conceals a want 
Every anger conceals an expectation
Every fear conceals a seeking for safety
Every frustration conceals a seeking of relief
Every cry conceals a desire of being cared for

Once this intention is acknowledged then we can find alternate to this behavior which is not wanted,

NLP says separate the intention from behavior and fulfill the intention in more appropriate ways, 
www.vrnlp.com