? Pain seems to motivate better

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Why
the fear of pain motivates people better than seeking  fulfillment?

Why
fear has more power than fascination?

Human
biological system is programmed towards ‘safety’;
anything that seems to endanger safety man quickly
reacts.
Hence FEAR OF PAIN means losing something; 
fear of
losing what one values significantly.
Man does not want to lose;
so he gets stressed to take action.. 
 
Such ‘motivation’ is based on distress has its side effects
like English medicine.

If one
is habituated to taking action only after an external stimulus, then for
anything & everything only when there is a push man will take action; 
this
is more reactionary; ordinary people do this way.   
So long as we remain this way we become a
prisoner of circumstance.

In
this state of mind it is task completion that becomes a primary concern than the
quality of the task.

Yet
fear of pain is more powerful because it is physical.


Seeking fulfillment is more an intellectual
calculation than an experience evidenced by senses;
so it does not stimulate so much.

Senses
play a vital role in influencing the state of mind;

When
knowledge is sensory based it catches our mind and attention easily.

How to
make fulfillment more motivating than the negative fear?

NLP
says “SIMULATION”

How
will that experience be when you get what you want?
Imagine and construct the result. Envision the end
result.

When
you succeed in completing the task & get the desired result-
What will you SEE then?
What will you HEAR then?
How will you FEEL then?

Construct
the result and see it as if it is happening right now. 
Simulate inside your
head.

Timothy
Galway through his book  “INNER GAME of
TENNIS” advocates mental rehearsal; according to him mental rehearsal has a
very great positive impact on performance than the actual rehearsal.

The
author Bruce Lipton says in his book Biology of Belief, ‘ your
beliefs act like filters on a camera, changing how you see the world and you
biology adapts to those belief”

Hence
our brain cannot differentiate between imagined situation & real situation.

Once
your experience is sensory based as seeing hearing feeling it becomes certain
for you that you are sure to get the result you want.  Now because ‘sense
of certainty’ sets in you embark on action as a matter of fact than a
deliberate effort.

This
proactive attitude gives enough space for you to be creative appropriate and
effective.

SIMULATION
gives STIMULATION. 
www.vrnlp.com 

NLP through stories – story 61

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In keeping with his doctrine that nothing be taken too
seriously, not even his own teachings, the Master loved to tell this story on
himself:

“My very first disciple was so weak that the exercises
killed him. My second disciple drove himself crazy from his earnest practice of
the exercises I gave him. My third disciple dulled his intellect through too
much contemplation. But the fourth managed to keep his sanity.”

“Why was that?” someone would invariably ask.

“Possibly
because he was the only one who refused to do the exercises.” The Master’s
words would be drowned in howls of laughter.
Learning  :
Humor is a good
tonic to the mind.

Humour removes
the tumour in the mind.

Humour brings
you here & now

Laughing at
oneself also lightens burden and self criticism

NLP advocates
to be resourceful and to be resourceful humour is a great facilitator.
 www.vrnlp.com

F E A R

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Former American president F D Roosevelt said,” Let me assert my firm belief
that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself”

Excellent quote; Very wise advice.

Fear is used as acronym.

FEAR is False Evidence Appearing Real

FEAR is Forget Everything And Run

FEAR is Fantasy Eliminating Available Resource  

“The only way to get rid of fear is to take action”

It’s true.

Action cures; action cures all ills.

Yet..

From real life experience you know the issue is ‘getting into action’

When fear rules there is so much work going on inside our head that we get
no time to take to action; we are so much overwhelmed by the preoccupation
fuelled by fear we hardly have the nerve to navigate to action.

The inevitable statement issued by such people paralyzed by fear is, “ I
want to but ……”

This but buttresses whole energy & enthusiasm

This means you need a push to get into action

You are stuck due to factors that seem to be beyond your conscious control.

This means that fear happens in you in spite of your wish to push it.

You are unconsciously compelled to behave in a fearful way.

This mandates another process that can reach to your unconscious depth and
set right your thinking process to express confidence, calmness, clarity &
boldness.

The fact is a person suffering from fear is conscious of what to do, but not
conscious enough how to do.

This HOW is provided by Neuro Linguistic Program which works with
unconscious process of a human and helps him to get released from
unpleasantness.

Advice is not an antidote to fear.

A new MIND PROGRAM is the antidote.

NLP programs mind for confidence, peace, and success in life.
www.vrnlp.com

Myth about EPS

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Myth about EPS skill

EPS is acronym for Effective Public Speaking.
Often the
efficacy of effective public speaking skill is overrated.
No doubt
all great leaders are powerful communicators. 
Does that
mean all popular & great leaders without exception had an impeccable and
immaculate oratorical skill? 
Stupid analogy
I wish to
share an interesting analogy a trainer for soft skill used in order to
convince a group of audience on the need for developing public speaking skill.
He called out a volunteer. The volunteer came.
The
trainer asked the volunteer, “How
would you feel if I keep a bag of 100 bricks on your head?”
Volunteer
replied, “very heavy; but
still can manage”
Trainer, “what if I keep removing bricks gradually and
finally you are left with only one brick on your head?”
Volunteer,
“Very light pleasant &
easy” (with a
conspicuous expression of relief)
Trainer
said, “yes.. Same way if you
can confidently speak in front of 100 people, you can easily talk to one
person”
What would
you say on this analogy??
Talking to
100 people and talking to one person- are they same in the process of
communication?
Is not
public speaking a monologue and a one to one conversation/communication a
dialogue?
Are not
the intonation & physiology different in both the context?
I say with
emphasis that the efficacy of effective public speaking skill is overrated.
In order
to be successful in life one need not necessarily have public speaking ability.
What EPS cannot do automatically?
Overcoming
the fear of public speaking
-does not
automatically make you a ‘fearless person’,
-does not
automatically make you shed inhibitions & fear entirely from life
-does not
automatically make you a pleasing person
-does not
make you a strategic & charismatic leader
– does not
make you automatically successful in life
Politicians
are great orators. Yet I am sure many would agree their speeches are empty
sounds, may be momentarily entertaining.
Does everyone need?
Effective
Public speaking skill is needed only for those who have the need for addressing
meetings on an ongoing basis as a part of their life activity. 
Yet public
speaking is not a needed daily activity for everybody.
When
something is not needed why carry with you? Is it not a burden?
Everyone
does not need to be an effective public speaker?
It is not necessary to
overcome fear only by overcoming the fear of public speaking.
Misnomer
It is a
misnomer to say that an effective public speaker is an effective communicator.
Many of
such persons fail in one to one conversation;
They
mostly fail to pay attention to the respondent;
They have
the urge to only impress the respondent with verbal gymnastic or manipulate
with word play.
In my
observation an effective communicator has a greater degree of empathy &
respect for the respondent than a person who is fearless about public speaking.
Everyday communication is to
strengthen heart more than to just reach ears
EPS is not the only way
It is
being regularly injected into the minds of gullible seekers of self development
that EPS is a must for effectiveness in communication.
While
overcoming the fear of public speaking may give a person a feel good factor or
may give a raise in self esteem and also a sense of accomplishment, it is not a
fool proof way to overcome shyness and the only way to raise self confidence.
EPS is not
the only way to develop effectiveness in communication.
On the contrary
over dependence on EPS is counterproductive to effectiveness in everyday communication.
Learn the skill of public speaking; don’t lean on the effectiveness
of public speaking alone.
Art of Effective Private Speaking
On any
given day we all spend more time in private conversation/communication than group
communication.
This one
to one communication makes or breaks our day, our relationship and in the process
our life
Is not clear from this that we need to develop
the art of private speaking?
You, as a
reader of this article, start appreciating this view.
Effectiveness in everyday
communication is more important than effectiveness in public communication on
an occasional event.
Let’s make
this world a beautiful place to live by developing responsible communication
skill.
Develop the ART OF
PRIVATE SPEAKING skill.                          
“An empathetic ear is more effective in communication
than an eloquent mouth”
www.vrnlp.com 

NLP through stories -story 60

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“How shall I rid myself of fear ?”

“How can you rid yourself of something you are clinging to?”

“you mean I cling to fears ? I cannot agree to that” 

“Consider what your fear protects you from and you will agree. And you will see your folly”

Learning

People may complain of difficulties and seek for counseling for relief.
Yet on careful study it becomes easy to understand that such feelings of difficulties people hold on to in order to get protected from some other perceived problem.
For example people often say of headache due to tension. if one carefully studies their pattern it is easy to find that they want the headache to prevail so that they can use it as a pretext to avoid any work stretch.
Sometimes  such difficulties are a pretext to avoid perceived difficulties.
NLP says “EVERY BEHAVIOR HAS A POSITIVE INTENTION”

For example
Every criticism conceals a want 
Every anger conceals an expectation
Every fear conceals a seeking for safety
Every frustration conceals a seeking of relief
Every cry conceals a desire of being cared for

Once this intention is acknowledged then we can find alternate to this behavior which is not wanted,

NLP says separate the intention from behavior and fulfill the intention in more appropriate ways, 
www.vrnlp.com 

NLP through stories _ story 59

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A man was hurt in one
leg in a fight with his wife

So he was admitted to a
hospital with a bandage on one leg

The man saw another in
patient with bandage on both the legs.

He asked that man, “Do
you have 2 wives?”

Learning 
People make their model of the world based on their experience  and inference. 
It is not the event but the perception of the event becomes the reality.  
We don’t deal with real reality but perceived reality .

Also Language is an
expression of belief 
www.vrnlp.com 

NLP through stories – story 58

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A fish peddler woman was caught in rain and so took shelter at the
veranda of a house.

The rain did not seem to subside. So the fisher woman thought of
taking a nap for some time and closed her eyes. But she could not sleep
peacefully because of the smell from the house. The smell was very disturbing. 
It was the house of a flower vendor and the fragrance of flowers was very
irritating for the woman; 
finally she took her fish basket nearby and in the
smell of fish she could get her sleep and relaxed well.

Learning

It is conditioned response from the fish vendor.
While people in general may prefer the
fragrance of flowers to fish smell 
the vendor feels at home with the smell of
fish.
NLP calls this as ANCHORING,(conditioning)
Anchor is any stimulus that elicits a particular response.
Anchors form unconsciously.
NLP teaches how to anchor consciously for desired response and
also collapsing unwanted response.

NLP through stories – story 57

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Rupee note in all its pride said to the coin,
“I keep rolling in
the hands of celebrities;
high valued commodities are bought with my power”

The coin said,
“I am saved in the piggy bank of dear children;
I
am preserved in temples ;
I am very much satisfied with what I am” 

Learning:
Everyone has intrinsic merit and worth. 
Self worth is not determined by net worth.
Each is useful in some specific context.


NLP says we are all unique in our ways     
No need to compare; no need to compete.
We must respect the individual model of the world.
Appropriateness of anything must be evaluated in the context of the happening and not based on a generalized comparison

Appreciate your uniqueness; 
Self appreciation s the best appreciation.

NLP through stories – story 56

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A philosopher who had only one pair of shoes asked the cobbler to
repair them while he would wait.
The cobbler said,’ it is closing time and please come tomorrow to
take deliver “
The philosopher said, “I have only this pair of shoes; I can’t
walk bare foot.”
“I can lend you another pair of shoes till then” said the cobbler
“What? Wearing someone’s shoes? What do you take me for?” asked
the philosopher in an intemperate tone.
The cobbler replied sarcastically, “you don’t hesitate to carry
other people’s ideas in your head; why object to wearing someone’s shoe on your
feet?’’
Moral :
It is very important to have hands on experience to gain
expertise, especially when facing real life which does not follow a set script
you need to be alive to the situation and respond appropriately. This can
happen if you proceed out of real life experience.
NLP asks you to go by your inner guidance system as evidenced by
your senses. 
Authenticity comes by experience.   

NLP through stories – story 55

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A man is walking down
the beach and comes across a sealed bottle.  
He picks it up and
pulls out the cork. Out pops a genie and says that it can grant 3 wishes. 
The man asks for 1
billion dollar in Swiss bank & gets it
“I want a red Ferrari” –
in no time he gets it.
He continues, “I want to be irresistible to women”
POOF!! He turns into a
box of chocolates
Moral :
When we communicate we
must be specific about what we want or ask. 
If not we leave room for people to
derive their meaning. 
The intended meaning becomes a variant to derived
meaning.
In fact meaning of
communication is based upon the recipient.

Hence
communicator has to take responsibility for the outcome of communication by
seeking feedback from the respondent. 
www.vrnlp.com